Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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