i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize