I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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