I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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