This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize