it wasn't lemon gatorade
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize