She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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