what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize