He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
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Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
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I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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