I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
only you would photoshop your dick
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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