you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize