Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
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i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Boobs speak an international language.
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Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
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