why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
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He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
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I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I'm always down for nudity.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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