hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
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