sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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