Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize