Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
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