Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I think I sprained my soul last night
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
My vagina is very pro this idea
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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