I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
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On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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