I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Duck Duck Cougar?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
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It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
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