Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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