he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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