I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
he told me I talked like a deaf person
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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