I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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