You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
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The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
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I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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