when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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