my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize