So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize