I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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