New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
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Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Vodka?
Forever.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
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we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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