It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize