Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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