im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
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I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
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I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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