A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he fucked my hip out of place.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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