I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
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Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
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New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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