You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
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I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
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I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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