theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
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just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
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You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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