it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
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I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
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I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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