my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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