last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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