Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize