should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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