I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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