I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
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Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
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I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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