i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize