Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
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id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
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I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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