things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
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I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
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Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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