So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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