is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
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