Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(409): View more from Texas

so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister

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(409): so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister http://tfl.nu/4kg0

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(913): View more from Kansas

I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.

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(913): I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better. http://tfl.nu/gf52

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(970): View more from Colorado

Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.

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(970): Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid. http://tfl.nu/9pof

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(518): View more from New York

You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."

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(518): You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break." http://tfl.nu/3ss4

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(740): View more from Ohio

I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.

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(740): I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with. http://tfl.nu/qhgi

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(317): View more from Indiana

We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo

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(317): We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo http://tfl.nu/qbn3

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(864): View more from South Carolina

Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?

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(864): Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members? http://tfl.nu/kgk2

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.

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(617): Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory. http://tfl.nu/p9v1

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(650): View more from California

My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.

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(650): My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings. http://tfl.nu/futo

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(203): View more from Connecticut

If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?

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(203): If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche? http://tfl.nu/avjw

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(513): View more from Ohio

I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....

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(513): I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know..... http://tfl.nu/0xlu

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(317): View more from Indiana

His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv

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(317): His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv http://tfl.nu/yd6c

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war

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(403): I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war http://tfl.nu/prlf

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(337): View more from Louisiana

Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.

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(337): Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work. http://tfl.nu/3b5u

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(864): View more from South Carolina

I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.

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(864): I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something. http://tfl.nu/s8xu

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